Do You Automatically Say Yes? How People-Pleasing Paula Keeps You Exhausted (and How to Break Free)

Do you say yes… then feel overwhelmed?

Do you overcommit… then quietly resent it later?

Do you end most days exhausted, wondering how everyone else ended up first on your list—and you ended up last?

That automatic people-pleasing isn’t just a habit.

It’s a gremlin.

Meet People-Pleasing Paula.

Paula is the inner voice that keeps you saying yes when your body says no. She convinces you that everyone else’s needs matter more than yours. She turns you into the “golden child” who never needs help, never complains, and never rests.

And she’s likely been running your life for a long time.

Today, we’re exposing her lies—so you can reclaim your plate.

Welcome to Gremlins & Goats

I’m Lexie Loman, licensed therapist, Shame Gremlin Slayer, and your guide to leading a life you love.

In my podcast Thinking Out Loud, we’ve been diving deep into Gremlins & Goats—my framework for shedding shame.

Gremlins are those inner voices screaming:

You’re not enough. Don’t rock the boat. Your needs don’t matter.

The goat is a mindfulness tool. It calls out the gremlin for the liar that it is (with a ridiculous bleat), then drops a truth bomb so you can reclaim your power.

Today’s gremlin?

People-Pleasing Paula.

Introducing People-Pleasing Paula The Shame Gremlin

What People-Pleasing Paula Sounds Like

Paula prioritizes everyone else’s happiness—making you the one who never needs or wants anything.

I know her well.

Like most of us, my people pleasing started developmentally with wanting to make my parents happy. Over time, it amplified into needing everyone around me to be okay.

For me, this showed up in small but constant ways—like automatically saying yes to more responsibilities before I ever checked my energy.

When I worked at a psychiatric hospital, I covered extra sessions and groups even when I was already stretched thin. I kept saying yes anyway.

It drained my energy massively. I was exhausted all the time. I put myself last.

And eventually, it built resentment in my relationships. Overcommitting left me depleted and quietly frustrated.

That’s Paula at work.

The Goat Teaches Boundaries

Here’s what the goat reminds me:

It’s okay to say no. I don’t have to please everyone.

And it’s also okay to say yes—after I check my energy and my plate first.

Because you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Paula’s Top 5 Lies

If People-Pleasing Paula is running your life right now, grab a notebook and work through this with me.

Here are Paula’s five favorite statements:

1. Saying no will hurt them

2. My needs come last

3. Conflict means I’m bad

4. If I disagree, they’ll leave

5. Overgiving proves my love

Now, add “because” to the end of each one.

For example:

– Saying no will hurt them because I’m responsible for their feelings. 

– My needs come last because putting myself first is selfish. 

– Conflict means I’m bad because nice people keep the peace. 

– If I disagree they’ll leave because relationships depend on agreement. 

– Overgiving proves my love because taking is greedy.

Already, you can start to see the belief system underneath.

But we’re going deeper.

The Impossible Expectations Beneath People Pleasing

Now add this to the end of each statement:

“I’ll be worthy when…”

Try it:

– I’ll be worthy when everyone likes me. 

– I’ll be worthy when I’m needed by others. 

– I’ll be worthy when no one is ever upset with me. 

– I’ll be worthy when I’m indispensable. 

– I’ll be worthy when I’ve earned love through service.

Pause here.

Feel how impossible these expectations are.

That’s Paula’s trick.

She sets standards no human can meet—then uses your exhaustion as proof that you’re failing.

Naming these patterns weakens her.

Awareness is the first crack in the system.

Ready to Start Starving People-Pleasing Paula?

If Paula feels loud in your life, start here:

👉 Take the free Gremlins & Goats Quiz at LighthouseOKC.com/quiz

You’ll receive your personalized 7-Day Starve Your Gremlin Challenge delivered straight to your inbox.

If you want the full guided system, you can also grab the Gremlins & Goats Mini Course—with workbook, audios, and bonus worksheets.

And if you’re ready to practice boundaries live in a supportive space, join my upcoming therapy intensive THE UNBINDING. Spots are limited, and you can sign up at LighthouseOKC.com.