How to Stop Feeling Like You Don’t Deserve Good Things: Heal the Inner Voice Blocking Your Joy
- Lexie Loman
- Jan 16
- 3 min read
Do good things happen in your life and your very first thought is…
“What bad thing is coming next?”
“This can’t possibly last.”
Or even worse:
“I don’t deserve this anyway”?
If that quiet, sneaky voice just made your stomach drop, you’re not alone.
That voice is what I call Undeserving Ursula — the quietest, sneakiest gremlin in my Gremlins & Goats framework.
She doesn’t scream like the others.
She just whispers:
“Good things aren’t for people like us.”
“Wanting more is dangerous.”
“You’ll just be disappointed anyway.”
And the crazy part?
She’s been with so many of us since childhood.
I know she was with me. I grew up convinced I was the unluckiest person alive. Good things happened to other people—not to me.
I hoarded clothes, makeup, even thoughts, because “What if I never get anything good again?”
She got louder when life started going well.
When my music career took off, charted in Texas music charts, won a Nashville contest… Instead of celebrating, Ursula whispered, “This is a mistake. You don’t get things like this.”
When I met my husband? The same voice: “There’s no way you deserve someone this good. He’ll figure it out and leave.”
She’s sneaky.
She doesn’t yell.
She just quietly blocks joy, keeps you in scarcity, and makes wanting feel unsafe.
Sound familiar?
How Undeserving Ursula Shows Up in Real Life
Here are the ways she most often shows up for people I work with (and how she used to show up for me):
Someone gives you a genuine compliment → instant thought: “They’re just being nice. They don’t know the real me.”
You get a promotion, opportunity, or praise → immediate panic: “This was a mistake. It’ll get taken away. I don’t deserve this.”
Nice invitations come in (vacations, events, gifts) → you turn them down: “I don’t deserve to have it that good.”
Life is actually going well → you feel guilty: “I’m using up my happiness quota.”
Things start improving → you self-sabotage: “Happiness isn’t meant for me anyway.”
These patterns aren’t random.
They’re rooted in toxic shame and an inner critic that learned early: “Good things aren’t for people like us.”
But here’s the truth you can start living today:
You deserve good things.
And you can train your brain to believe it.
The Goat-Powered Way to Quiet Ursula
When Ursula blocks the good stuff, here’s what to do (this is the exact tool from my book Gremlins & Goats: Shedding Shame):
Bleat it out: When she whispers “Good things aren’t for people like us,” look that gremlin dead in the eye and say: Shaaa-ame! (Yes, out loud if you can. It feels ridiculous—and that’s the point. Shame can’t survive humor.)
Drop a big truth bomb: Replace the lie with one powerful truth. My favorite: “I deserve good things.” Or: “I am allowed to receive.”
Name it out loud: Right now, say one thing you want—like you already deserve it. Examples:
“I want a peaceful weekend.”
“I want to be celebrated.”
“I want financial ease.” Say it like it’s already yours. This simple act starts rewiring the scarcity story.
Do this daily.
Watch how scarcity slowly turns into gratitude… And gratitude opens the door to real joy, happiness, and abundance.
These days, I listen to Able Heart’s lyrics on repeat:
“I deserve the best ‘cause I love who I really be and I believe it. It’s all working out for me.”
Peace and abundance aren’t a fluke.
They are your birthright.
Ready to Quiet Ursula for Good?
You don’t have to stay stuck in this pattern.
Here’s how to start moving the needle today:
Listen to the full episode → Dive deeper into Undeserving Ursula on the Thinking Out Loud podcast ( lighthouseokc.com/podcast).
Start the free 7-day challenge → Take the Gremlins & Goats quiz right now at lighthouseokc.com/quiz. You’ll get a personalized 7-day email sequence to starve Ursula and start feeling deserving.
Go deeper with the mini-course → The full Gremlins & Goats system (book PDF, interactive worksheets, guided meditations) is waiting for you at lighthouseokc.com/gremlins-and-goats.
Join the live intensive → For embodied, group transformation, secure your spot in the Gremlins & Goats Shedding Shame Intensive on January 31st (only 12 spots left). Details & registration: lighthouseokc.com/therapyintensive.
You deserve good things.
Not someday.
Right now.
Let’s make it a Goat-ish day. 💚🐐
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